The Top 10 Babes of Video Game Movies

Having read the book, I’m pretty excited to see what they do with READY PLAYER ONE, a love letter to everything 80’s geek/gamer related. I haven’t been one of those people who transitioned into the newer games well, preferring the more direct (and limited) style of today’s predecessors. While I think Olivia Cooke is a great actress, I also know she’s not the right fit for the role of Artemis, had they paid enough attention to the book. Most of these women here are prime examples of trying to make the physical character look like the video game version, which can look great aesthetically, if not the best acting fit.

One of the more overlooked babes from the MORTAL KOMBAT series of films, the striking Musetta Vander played Sindel in the sequel that looked like someone had pulled funding mid-production, in the vein of MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE. A spectacular feat, considering that it had an estimated $30 million budget. Vander hasn’t since seen a lot of flashy action, even though she’s continued to appear in project for the past 20 years since the film was released. Maybe she should have married a tennis player too.

I haven’t played the new version of the Tomb Raider game and I haven’t (yet) watched the new TOMB RAIDER movie. I just like Alicia and don’t give two licks that people complain about her body not being good enough. She’s gorgeous, she’s fit, she’s a phenomenal actress, it’s all good.

There is only one Chun-Li, even if there are really several Chun-Lis. She was the only character I wanted to play in the Street Fighter arcade game (those thighs, man… those f*cking thighs…) and Ming-Na Wen is the only babe who played her to my liking. Shit, I’d still pay fat stacks to see her put on the costume again, current age and all.

Milla has been a cornerstone when it comes to ass-kicking sexy babeness, even if all of the RESIDENT EVIL movies suck major ass (yes, I know some of you like them, or some of them, but I’ve tried, I’ve really tried and they all are so sourly depressing that I couldn’t even enjoy the action). I’d rank her higher because I like her a lot but my overall distaste for the franchise knocks her down a few pegs.

Uwe Boll began to make a name for himself as a video game movie director… oh, who am I kidding? Boll made a name for himself by getting financiers to back his shitty films because they could claim the losses as a write-off and because he’s not that great at writing original material, he went for whatever was cheapest to acquire the rights to. He eventually made THREE of these Bloodrayne movies, all of which featured hot babes, the most notable being the sadly overlooked Kristanna Loken. Plus, any lady who names their son Thor is aces in my book.

I love me some Timmy Olyphant. I will even sit through horrid flicks like HITMAN just to get my Timmy-O fix. (Thankfully, it’s been a total blast watching him & Drew Barrymore in
Santa Clarita Diet recently, although I do miss his natural, slightly wonky teeth over the giant veneers he now has.) Other than loving Timmy for Timmy, there was at least the vivacious Olga Kurylenko to ogle, always ready to show some ass cheek and out-class the dudes.

I keep waiting for Olivia Wilde to get a project that’s worthy of her beauty AND talent. Because she’s a looker, it’s been easy for her to get cast in roles that subject her to being eye candy when really, she’s been consistently strong as a performer (I loved her in BUTTER, especially). The trope of having a woman-child character help out a leading dude was so beneath her, even if she did look good in that body suit.

If you go back and watch this movie again, tell me where the hell the production company got off sending a personal trainer and food coach over to the set to monitor Gemma Arterton’s body. I think she might have been her most svelte here, lusciously beautiful in a way that made Jakey-G’s abs quiver. If anything, it’s better to see her with more weight, since she stores it in her chesticles.

DOA is one of my favorite guilty pleasure movies, not just because it’s filled with a bunch of hot babes – there’s actually a lot of fun dialog going on and it’s always awesome to watch women kicking ass. I could have easily picked any of the ladies from this movie but when it comes down to it, Jaime Pressly is always Miss Reliable.

I think the main reason why people were so adverse to giving Alicia Vikander a chance isn’t just because they prefer how Lara Croft looked before her update, it was because Angelina was the perfect embodiment of that original version. Easily one of our best, “Remember When?” moments with Angie, for sure.

 

Gameller publishes pieces written by outside contributors and represents a wide range of viewpoints.
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Comment (1)

  1. vurtil opmer
    8 months ago

    I’m still learning from you, but I’m improving myself. I definitely enjoy reading all that is posted on your website.Keep the stories coming. I enjoyed it!

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